We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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