Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The uberlube is also flammable
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
