This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
