I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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