i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
