dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
