Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
