Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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