I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
