How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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