my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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