so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
