he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
