Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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