i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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