dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Randomize
