I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
