I skipped work to stalk him.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
