he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
