i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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