He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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