I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Randomize
