Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Can I color on your dick again?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
