I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
