Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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