I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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