I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
