I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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