so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
