Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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