i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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