I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
