she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
