What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
