I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
