i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Me too!
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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