Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
