So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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