We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
