I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
