either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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