Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
