I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
