As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
