shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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