We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
