is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
