I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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