..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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