Someone shit on the floor
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
