Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
