It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
