Umm I'm too high to move.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
