Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
