I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I see more hoeing in ur future
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