i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
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I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
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if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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