btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
