maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
