I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I bet he comes in French.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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