I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
