he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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