I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
