Me too!
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
