Only a mothe r could love this liver
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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