My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
