At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
