I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
